Tired of life

Suddenly feel tired of life.. maybe its cos i've been falling sick all the time. Need to ace a job interview tmr.. gd luck to myself and gd nite world!

Who's viewing this?

Saw the web traffic for my blog. Quite high for a personal private site.. so who's viewing? I wonder.

Vulnerability

I'm feeling very vulnerable now. Who will tell me that everything is ok and hug me with all their love? I just wanna be loved, is there anything wrong with that? It's my fault that i nv know how to cherish the guys that loved me more than themselves. What should i do now?

What am I doing with my life?

Dear bloggie, I'm feeling down and insecure. Should I give up? Sometimes I look back at all my hardwork towards the relationship and towards him, I wonder.. Why am I working so hard for? Why do I give my heart and soul to someone so immature? I want to be love. I need the support from a man I love. I know all this yet why am I tormenting myself? Who will love and support me? Maybe I should give up and stay away from humans. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm tired.

내 마음은 아파 ..

난 너무 외롭고 텅 빈 기분. 당신이 너무보고 싶어 .. 그것은 아파요.

If you really love someone.. you forgive.

Dear bloggie,

I just msg him that i forgave him. I calmed down and thought about it from his perspective and asked him not to blame himself.

I'm not interested to play his childish games. Told him the best way to make it up to me is to be happy.

And then whatever response he might give.. i'll just be on my way.

On my way to happiness.. on my way to what i deserved best.

I'm feeling better now...

Wish me all the best. I don't want to feel hurt anymore.

이 사진 정말 맘에 .. 왜 바꾼 거지?

Today, I saw your changed primary picture on fb. Why are you playing such childish games with me?

If you are really sincere.. you wouldn't play such games with me. If you're really sincere that you regret.. if your really sincere that you're missing me.. you would come to me and admit your wrong doings, ask for forgiveness and show that you really wanna be with me.

I seriously don't see any thing wrong with the relationship.. accept the fact that you are immature.

For now.. i just have to hold on tight. The ball remains in your hands.

The day i got hurt again.. deeply.

Dearest bloggie,

I am back. Everytime i'm back i'm in misery. And you are my only friend.

The world is lonely. Taking the road less travelled is even lonelier.

What should i do.. how do i move on.. i'm clueless. I was ok for the past few days.

Now he's back... saying how much he realise i was doing for him and how much i loved and cared for him.

And how much he started missing me.. Its good that he's realised all that but why give in to his inferiority complex and assume so many things? I would rather he fight for what he really want. Be sincere about it when you realise you're in the wrong.

But he wasn't when he had to defend himself of the plenty of issues i pointed out. This shows how impt i am, how much he respects me as his gf. And how sincere he was about having me back.

I'm hurt again.. feeling lonely. I wanna get out of this.. i wanna breakfree.

What do i do..

I should have...

I should have threw harsh words towards him when i had the chance:

"Time to wake up & snap out of all this.. i have been beside you supporting you 27/4 w/o fail w/o getting any support from you w/o complaining!!" (And all you ever did was to complain about me when something goes wrong)

But instead i faltered in front of him.. which was the greatest mistake ever made. Now it feels like i've ruined his life.

Great work you did!

But it was good that he threw everything onto me.. its good that he made me walk away. I deserved the big break.

It wasn't easy supporting an immature man 24/7, esp since for all my life i hadn't been emotionally strong.

This time it was really great work i did. *pat on my back i deserve!

The faithful day

Dearest Bloggie, We broke up. I didn't feel any pain yet. But i kept crying now and then. I felt sorry for the people that i've neglected whilst in the relationship. My parents, close friends.. i pushed all of them away to concentrate on the relationship. He was very insistent to break up this time round. No more chances, nothing. He conveniently blamed everything on me. Blaming me for ruining 2 years plus of his life. He lost everything because of me. But that's not true. No matter how much i gave him.. he won't be able to see it. He's not matured enough to see what i've done for him. He wouldn't be happy. If that's what he wants, i'll let him go.. I wish him all the best in everything and i hope he can find his happiness soon. Life is weird. When there are unavoidable obstacles in love.. people will fight and suffer just to stay in love. But for my case, there are no unavoidable obstacles.. just one stupid immature guy who doesn't know how to cherish what he has. One day, he'll grow up and realize what's he's missing. While he's doing that.. i'm not going to shed any tears for him anymore. I'll be strong and move on with my life. But you know what Bloggie.. i'm truly deeply madly in love with this stupid guy.. so much, i don't think i'll ever be able to fall in love with another person. At least for now.

Unconditional love

Unconditional love.. too much one way traffic will make you tired. I longed to be loved.. unconditionally. Now, I just want to be loved.

inspiring quote

Saw this and it's true.

There are no obstacles in life, only opportunities to better oneself and become stronger. Use a negative situation as a stepping stone to something greater.

Doubts

Am i very difficult to be with? What's wrong with me? Why no matter how i change, people keep faulting me with things?
Is it true that no one can stand me?

what if i can nv fall in love with another person again? What if i can nv be in another rship again cos no one can stand me.. i dont really want to put myself thru all that hurt again.

My feelings, 23rd April 2012

Did you know? I was actually a very vulnerable person. Can i be vulnerable to you just once? If i did that, will you turn your back on me and walk away?

I miss you..